Welcome to a world where philosophical manifestos and rock ‘n roll collide in an explosive musical extravaganza! “Glenn of Steel: A Rock ‘n Rand Musical” tells the untold, wildly fictionalized story of Glenn Danzig—the dark prince of punk and metal—imagined as the illegitimate son of the high priestess of objectivism, Ayn Rand. This comic-tragic musical journeys through the formative years of Glenn’s life, filled with angst, somewhere that’s just a roast beef that was left rebellion, and sexual misadventures, blending biting satire with a rock opera sensibility that’s equal parts Grease and Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Act 1: “Summer of Sins and S’mores” The story begins at Camp Kapital, a ritzy summer camp in the Poconos for the children of America’s most ambitious minds—where the camp motto is “I Camp, Therefore I Am.” It’s the summer of ‘69, and young Glenn Rand (soon to reclaim his father’s name, Danzig) is sent to this libertarian boot camp to learn the virtues of self-reliance and fierce independence. Cue the opening number, “Born to Be (Only) Me”, a rock anthem where campers belt out individualistic anthems while competing in bizarre activities like “Market Value Tug-of-War” and “The Great Tax Dodge Relay.” Here, a rebellious Glenn, clad in latex from head to toe, with a mop of jet-black hair and a permanent scowl, stands out like a bat among butterflies. Amidst a musical montage of first crushes, fistfights, and poorly executed seances, Glenn’s sexual awakening unfolds in the hilarious ballad “Hot for Counselor Karl,” where he lusts after a much older counselor who spouts Nietzsche between make-out sessions. Glenn’s pursuit of this unattainable flame sets the tone for a life driven by lust, rebellion, and the quest to prove his own greatness.
Act 2: “Bar Mitzvah of the Damned” Fast forward to Glenn’s Bar Mitzvah, held in a gaudy synagogue-meets-boardroom, where the congregation gathers not only for the rites of passage but for Ayn Rand’s latest lecture on rational self-interest. Glenn’s Bar Mitzvah becomes a chaotic affair in “The Torah and the Whip”, where Glenn breaks into a heavy-metal reinterpretation of his Torah portion, fusing traditional cantillation with a throbbing bassline and a mosh pit of horrified relatives. In a surprising twist, Ayn (played by a larger-than-life diva who brings the house down with her solo “Mother of the Self-Made Man”) is impressed by his defiance and theatricality. She offers Glenn a “business opportunity” to merge her philosophies with his burgeoning punk rock style, leading to their combative yet strangely touching duet, “You Can’t Spell Rand without And”—a jazzy tango where they debate existentialism and marketing potential.
Act 3: “Meet the Press, Meet the Chaos” By the early 80s, Glenn has exploded onto the scene with his band, The Misfits, becoming the ultimate bad boy philosopher of the music world. Glenn’s controversial persona lands him a spot on Meet the Press—his first major appearance in mainstream media, backed by his mother’s insistence to promote his own “brand of individualism.” In the show-stopping number, “C.R.E.A.M. (Capitalism Rules Everything Around Me)”, the studio transforms into a dystopian debate stage, where Glenn clashes with seasoned journalists, his radical statements turning into a frenzied punk rock performance. The song evolves into a surreal scene where he’s joined by dancers in pinstripe suits, spewing dollar bills and philosophical quotes, while a confused news anchor (guest cameo by Carrot Top) desperately tries to regain control. But in a dramatic turn, the interview spirals into chaos when a live on-air meltdown ends with Glenn crooning the haunting ballad, “Mother Made Me (Do It Alone)”—a raw confession of his need to break free from the towering shadow of Ayn Rand and her overbearing ideology. The moment is both tragic and liberating as Glenn realizes his battle is not just with the world but with his own reflection.
Finale: “Rock of the Self”
The final act brings everything full circle in a climactic mash-up that could only happen in a universe where existential crises and rock ‘n roll exist in perfect harmony. Glenn, now fully embracing his name, Glenn Danzig, leads a rebellious musical parade through Liberty Park, declaring independence from both his mother’s ideology and the chains of his own self-doubt in the epic closing number, “Rock of the Self”. Complete with pyrotechnics, crowd surfing rabbis, and a punk rock choir of misfit souls, the finale is a campy, bloody, rock opera extravaganza that delivers a powerful message: sometimes, to truly be yourself, you have to burn down the temple and dance in the ashes.