About

A note on cultural appropriations…

It all started with a mouse…no, that’s not right.

Hi! I’m Troy McLure. You might remember me from…closer, but not quite right.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in! It’ll have to do, otherwise we’d be here for a very long time…

The thing you need to understand is, we’re whores. If Apple put an open call for family-focused pitches for the Apple TV+ platform we’d be immediately working on a show bible about a series of anthropomorphic tadpoles who learn lessons about empathy, friendship and is (sigh) aspirational. Just a side note, it’s not that we’re against being aspirational, per se. We’re just a little pissy that we have to include it to get in front of Apple’s gestapo.

See, we love movies.  Always have.  We love good movies because, well, they’re good.  That’s a pretty obvious and innocuous proclamation, so frankly we don’t feel like we need to justify this point any further.  We love bad movies too.  Bad movies can remind us of how much we appreciate good movies.  We throw that line in so we come across as sensitive and positive and appreciative (and to imply that we can tell the difference between a good movie and a bad movie- some of us actually went to film school so such affirmations can be helpful to the ol’ sense of mental well-being). But a big reason we love bad movies is they’re proof positive that, given the right mixture of luck, persistence and ability to procure cocaine for an Executive Prodcuer anyone with a dream can turn a few dozen typed pages into a paycheck and fleeting fame (see Joe Eszterhas).

So, how does this all tie together? Well, way back in 2013, The Asylum put out an open call for pitches. In case you weren’t aware, The Asylum is responsible for gems like Mega Shark versus Kolossus, The Haunting of Whaley House, and Sharknado.

Anywhoodles, The Asylum put out a call for pitches for very specific genres. African American Comedy, Latino Drama, and the such. And we answered that call. Boy did we answer it. Some of us, went a little overboard. Which is why many of our earlier pitches may be a little (ahem) focused on some very particular genres.

Which brings us to today, January 1st, 2020. We had such a fun time writing pitches in 2013, that we decided to bring it back and post a brand new pitch everyday, online. At this point we should probably point out that out of sheer laziness we’ve included some of those old and unsuccessful pitches on APAD, many of which may possibly potentially be interpreted as a bit “offensive.” So we feel compelled to point out that those pitches were in response to actual posted pitch prompts, and that technically it’s not racially or culturally insensitive if the goal is to make Hollywood bigshots like you and give you money [editor’s note isn’t it?].  We’ve since moved on and expanded our horizons, but to reiterate, any of the pitches that you may consider offensive were directed to The Asylum’s open call, because that’s what they explicitly asked for. And, as mentioned above: we’re whores, looking to break into the business anyway possible.

In summary, please join us on our journey of throwing out a pitch a day, seeing what sticks, and with any luck finding out what a steak and caviar taste like when eaten off a platter made of hundred dollar bills.  As is our self-respect, any pitch is for sale.  We’ll even throw in the script for free!