What does the world’s goofiest billionaire do when he’s sitting on a pile of Blood Emeralds that he can’t move due to human rights violations? Create a new fad and smuggle the green rocks out of Zambia himself.
Due to all of Elmo’s caperings, investors have grown weary and un-trustfull that they will ever see a return on the money they pump into his schemes. In order to keep receiving their continued investments, Egon needs to secure their risk with something tangible of his own. But after the Cybertruck fiasco and the Boring Company implosion all Eddy has left is his family emerald fortune. The problem is, due to some unethical practices in how it was harvested it’s under embargo in Zambia. Now, the only way to get it out of the country and into his bank account is to stuff them into dolls and ship them to America.
Look, is this the best pitch? No. Is this pitch full of plot holes? Of course. I mean what is he going to do? Sell the emerald stuffed bastards to his adoring public and then collect each one individually to get the emeralds back? That’s stupid, right? But is it any stupider than Trump supporters spending hundreds of dollars on NFT trading cards and spray painted sneakers? Elliot’s fanbois would surely be interested in an anatomically correct version of himself that makes inappropriate comments when touched, right?
Did I totally forget what day I was due up and needed to get this one done? Obviously. But the most important thing is we didn’t miss a day. Now, just 183 to go.