Squirrels are the Eddie Haskells of the varmint world. Sure, they look cute enough, but then you turn around and BAM they’ve wormed their way into the bird feeder and eaten the food you put out to attract the birds that so calms your nerves. So you put more food out…but this time, you put up a baffle thinking, “that’ll stop the little fuckers.” And, it does. For a few hours. In this never ending game of squirrel deterrent escalation, what’s a home owner in desperate need of relief to do? If this were real life, you might grab some ordinance and blast the invasive fuckers. But in today’s femi-woke society, these little rascals have you cuckhold. So you gather your dopey friends and hit the road to try and escape the sounds of tortured scratching on your freshly painted exterior doors only to find that squirrels. are. everywhere. A third act twist reveals that squirrels are really aliens, but we’re not supposed to reveal that until after the opening weekend so that it’s too late to impact the opening weekend box office.
Look, is this really a pitch for a movie, né film? We’d argue that Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Poolman, and The Big Lebowski aren’t narratively complex either. Who doesn’t just want to spend $18 on ticket and another $20 for a popcorn and soda just to watch a couple of incels hang out on the big screen for between 87 - 139 minutes? On second thought, this sounds kind of awesome. Bring on the squirrels in this Barry Lyndon meets Critters mashup no one wanted, but everyone needed.