Stoolman tells the story of Gerald Beraldman, a native Los Angelino who spends his days looking after the giant panda pen at the Los Angeles Zoo and fighting to make the zoo a better habitat for the animals kept in captivity there.
Gerry starts his position fresh-faced and ready to affect change in the zoo system but quickly finds himself outgunned by the constant defecation of his panda charges. There are no corrupt politicians or greedy land developers to contend with here, just a ceaseless stream of bamboo and chestnut-smelling shit that needs keeping up with and a second act twist where Gerald learns from Wikipedia that giant pandas can routinely poop 40 times a day and then slumps against the wall muttering “What the fuck?” over and over.
Chris Klein directs and stars in this ill-advised vanity project funded by his American Pie residuals, leading to a strangely meta conclusion where the actor abruptly calls it quits on set and heads off to an audition for a direct-to-video National Lampoon’s movie with the cameraman scrambling after him continuing to film the proceedings. As Klein hustles to the appointment we see him berating his agent by phone for talking him into starring in Rollerball decades ago and shouting about how if Chris Pine still gets work after making Poolman maybe he has a chance as well before tripping over a panhandler and cracking his head on the sidewalk. The entire last reel of the picture is a static shot of Pine’s crumpled form motionless on the ground, blood slowly seeping from his head.
Winner of this year’s Palme D’Or.