Uncle Bill’s First Rodeo

From humble beginnings in a small town in northern New York, Bill Rizer had a dream. A dream to be the rootinest-tootinest rodeo star in all of the St Lawrence River area. But fate had other plans…

After a childhood spent running and leaping around his family farm he is given the opportunity to ride his first bull the summer he turns 16. It’s a momentous occasion for young Bill, but he is so suddenly and violently unseated by the surly steer that by the time he collects himself and the humiliation starts to wash over him the bull has turned around and is prepared to charge. As it rushes him Bill instinctively jumps out of the way with a spectacular mid-air somersault and is able to scramble over the fence to safety. His rodeo career may be bust, but unbeknownst to him his athleticism has been noted by the Earth Marine Corps. The organization has been secretly canvassing sporting events across the country using camouflaged drones, and by Act 2 Bill has been brought to their training facility to undergo a rigorous program of military drills and experimental drugs to become an elite soldier.

He strikes up an easy friendship with fellow recruit Lance Bean, and the two are selected to be a tactical fire team to participate in what is only known as “Operation C” on a small island chain in the Pacific.

It’s a throwback to the sweaty, macho action movies of the 1980s, complete with the late reveal that the opponent being faced in the field is an alien menace. This summer you will believe a man can somersault repeatedly while jumping even though it’s patently ridiculous.