Stacker Dukes: Private Dick

In this neo-noir tale, we meet private dick Stacker Dukes. An ex Navy SEAL, NSA agent, FBI/CIA, County Sheriff, SWAT sniper, WW II flying frogman, Korean War M*A*S*H surgeon, Vietnam tunnel rat, Panama Invasion Helicopter pilot, Iraq War One and Two Drone pilot, Civil War General, American James Bond, and 10th degree double black ops Ninja Death Touch practitioner. “Unbelievable” you say? Well, he left all his ID in his other pants, but otherwise he would totally prove it.  Anyway, Dukes is visited by a mysterious supermodel/Playboy centerfold/OnlyFans billionairess, named Ecstasy Honeycomb Diamond, who is totally hot for his bod and wants to hire him as a bodyguard/assassin/love slave, but Stacker is loyal to his girlfriend in Canada, who he met during summer break at Karate camp in the Poconos. He would show you a picture but he is getting it made into a massive back tattoo and lent the tattoo artist the picture for reference.

When Dukes refuses her advances, a platoon of KISS Army soldiers attacks him from out of nowhere and he is forced to go all John Wick on them because he trained John Wick and he has a Samurai sword just like the one in John Wick 3, but made by Hattori Hanzo for him only. The blood flows like crazy and Stacker escapes to his survival bunker/Batcave/underground city he built for occasions just like this. In the safety of his lair he assembles his own team of killer sex robot supermodels he can control with his mind, a technique he learned from his sensei in China, back when he was training Shaolin monks. He could prove it but all his documents are in Chinese and you can’t read Chinese, can you?