The FBI Witness protection program is running out of places to put all those rat faced snitches and their goomahs, let alone their lunatic wives. By some odd chance three of the wives are placed in the same small town in deep Appalachia. Townsfolk are mighty suspicious of these ladies what don’t be from round there, and break out the torches and pitchforks to give these Yankees a proper hillbilly welcome. But, the ladies have a secret! They are Mob wives! First is Angela, the wife of Mike “The Anus” Botticelli, the toughest broad to ever to compete in the Hoboken Hobo Derby, and an all around boss bitch. Next we have Mona, wife of Dominic “The Dildo” Pizzarelli, Capo in the Gollicio crime syndicate, whose baked ziti is banned in fourteen states. Last, but not least Ginny, wife of Bobby “Squirrel Nuts” Lombardini, acting boss of the Hair Club for Men. Ginny is an ex-pro wrestler and circus freak who once ate a hundred gabagool in 6 minutes.
The ladies throw on their best LuLuLemon bike shorts and faux ermine flak jackets and battle it out with the horde of horrible hillbilly handfishers horrendously hovering on the humid horizon. Hot ziti and eggplant (and gabagool, can’t forget the gabagool) fly as they bust their way out of this hellhole, thick with hicks, ticks and hounds. Will they make it to the border or be forced to eat possum tacos?