It’s time for a revisionist click-bait sequel that has nothing to do with the original other than a lead actor that’s gotta eat and pay the mortgage on his summer crypt-chateau. Nic Cage plays Bye McDoughnut, a decorated Navy captain and former cold war spy. The only thing Bye loves more than his country is going wackadoodle on people he considers to be adversaries, typically at awkward and inappropriate times. But something’s been sticking in Bye’s craw for most of his adult life- how could Japan, the country responsible for his favorite octopus-on-lady movies and AR mobile games, be responsible for the violent attack on Pearl Harbor that drove the US head first into WWII? If OANN and his other trusted news sources are correct, it seems far more likely that a country like Iran or North Korea or Canada would have been behind it. Teaming up with his colleague in the Navy’s new and highly secretive Division of Time-Loop Defense, Bye travels back to 1942 to investigate. In a glorious twist of events, Bye learns that through a butterfly effect caused by his investigation he himself was responsible for the events leading to the invasion. You’ll cheer, you’ll cry, and you’ll incredulously stare at the technically true words “…Academy Award Winner…” on the movie’s poster as you walk out of the theater.