Ayn Rand’s The Fountain of Cream: An Adam Sandler Double Feature

In the cutthroat world of capitalist excess, nothing shines brighter than the legacy of Burt “Butt” Sanders, the undisputed titan of hemorrhoid relief. His empire, ComfortCrème Inc., brought relief to millions—and unimaginable wealth to his family. But when Burt suddenly passes away, the future of his empire rests on the shoulders of his fraternal twin sons, Marvin and Martin Sanders (both played by Adam Sandler). 

 Marvin, the perpetually anxious and neurotic brother, has always been the brains of the operation—or so he likes to think. Obsessed with the teachings of Ayn Rand and convinced he’s the next great industrialist, Marvin’s guiding principle is to pursue his own happiness at all costs. Unfortunately, his idea of happiness involves overcomplicated product designs, self-indulgent speeches, and a failed attempt to introduce “Butt Blaster 3000,” a hemorrhoid relief system that doubles as a home theater system. 

 On the other hand, Martin is the laid-back, fun-loving twin who would rather be working on his stand-up comedy routine than running a multi-billion dollar empire. Martin’s lack of ambition makes him a perfect foil for Marvin’s grandiose plans, and the two siblings are constantly at odds. Martin’s idea of innovation? Repackaging the same cream with a picture of a smiling rabid skunk, their late father’s pet, on the label. 

 Butt when Burt’s will reveals a shocking twist—the twins must prove themselves worthy by successfully launching a new product in six months, or they’ll lose the company to their ruthless cousin, Victoria “Vicky” Viper (a guest cameo by Sandler in drag)—the brothers are forced to work together for the first time in their lives. As the deadline looms, Marvin and Martin find themselves navigating a world of corporate espionage, sleazy boardroom politics, and a hostile takeover attempt led by a mysterious figure known only as “The Phantom of the Ass.” The twins must deal with dysfunctional employees, a cult of hardcore Randian zealots, and the ever-present threat of their father’s beloved rabid skunk, who seems intent on protecting the family fortune—literally. 

 In a series of increasingly absurd and poignant encounters, Marvin learns that perhaps the pursuit of self-interest isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, while Martin discovers that there’s more to life than just coasting along. With slapstick humor, biting satire, and a surprising amount of heart, the brothers finally realize that they may not need to follow in their father’s footsteps to find their true legacy.  

Additional contractual cameos by Rob Schneider, Kevin James, Tim Meadows and David Spade.