For Guy Ritchie’s fourth feature this year he is taking aim at the dead center of the Venn diagram he has danced around over the years- a tantalizing mash-up of manly yet homoerotic crime picture, Disney’s Aladdin, and his brother-from-another-mother Steven Tyler’s 1989 avenging abuse opus “Janie’s Got a Gun”.
At the conclusion of 2019’s Aladdin Will Smith’s noticeably incongruous Genie has been set free and has quickly laid pipe with an SNL alum and shit out a family with which to sail around the seas of Arabia for his Happily Ever After while Aladdin and Jasmine make a go at ruling Agrabah together. But in the absence of Genie’s wisecracking yet insightful guidance the couple only have Jasmine’s bumbling father to rely on as Vizier for counsel, and the previous sultan’s proclivity for ass-eating in the palace’s baths leads to a cholera epidemic.
Against his better judgment Aladdin decides to head back to the Cave of Wonders to enlist the help of Genie Jafar to cure the populace, but sadly falls victim to the disease himself midway through making his wish, allowing Jafar to be freed via a loophole in the Djinn guidelines.
Jafar, his cosmic powers intact, wastes no time in tracking down Genie with Iago and running the old Pickleback express on him in front of his horrified family before heading back to Agrabah to rule.
Genie, having no magical ability anymore to soothe his bruised ego and anus, instead assembles a ragtag team of mercenaries from other Disney pictures like Scuttle and the tomcat from the Aristocats and Martin Lawrence. The crew travels to the Cave of Wonders to gear up at its armory and bury Al’s corpse before heading to the palace to square off with Jafar in a climax so violent and shocking that Bob Iger was heard to say, “I don’t even know who the hell greenlit this but fuck it one of these pictures has to make money this year.”