Take all of the fun of asset forfeiture, and combine it with Willy Wonka-esque drug abuse and A Pitch a Day is proud to present Grand Mall Seizure. Since Amazon, malls have fallen on difficult times. When you’re able to purchase adult diapers and lube without having to deal with the side-eye of some horny teenager? That’s a win…for everyone but the property management companies who own these relics of America’s suburban growth. As mall after mall closes, Wyatt Property Management needs a Hail Mary to save their last remaining standing location; Powhatan Place.
And that Hail Mary does exist, in the form of Hale Merry, mercurial showman who proposes turning the abandoned location into a Legends of the Hidden Temple-esque playground where townies can come and win “prizes”…that is, if they can find their way out.
Does Mr. Merry have more up his sleeves then he’s letting one? Will the hastily thrown together team of plucky stereotypes be able to overcome his devious shenanigans and escape? Is this Saw just crossed with an episode of American Dad? Obviously. Come on, we’re not in the habit of insulting our reader. But just what his nefarious plan is, you’ll have to buy a ticket to find out. It’s the film that one screenwriter we asked to write a treatment for called a “paycheck.”