In this career kickstart for Kevin James, we’re combining the flash and glitz of the Kingsman franchise with the lovable schlub from Queens, Doug Heffernan. His pugnacious partner, Carrie, will be played by Dame Judy Dench. Carrie’s dad, played originally by Jerry Stiller, will be played by Idris Elba.
Our story begins on the streets of London where Doug has been sent to deliver a package to a tailor on the high street. Doug mistakenly delivers the package into the hands of saboteurs keen on offing her majesty’s Corgis. Realizing his mistake, he races to the tailor and is met by the secret leader of the spy organization called the Kingsmen, played by a holographic AI version of Benny Hill. As Yakkety Sax plays on loop, Doug is taught the fine arts of chasing “birds” and “geezer” bopping. The enemy tries to poison him with tainted Fish and Chips and Doug struggles to hold the explosive payload as he scurries about London looking for a public loo capable of accommodating his ample American arse. In a scene reminiscent of Trainspotting, Benny Hill’s Hologram peeks out of the bowl as Doug is about to unleash molten hell. I don’t want to spoil the surprise, so we’ll leave it at that. [Comment: A few of you readers have been accusing me of always defaulting to poop jokes in these pitches, and I can’t argue with that. However, scatalogical humor is one of the foundations of American comedic cinema, and a sure fire way to generate incredible box office numbers. Look at the classics, Caddyshack, Dumb and Dumber, and Wet and Messy 9: Humpty Dumpty’s Revenge.] Mayhem ensues and London Bridge falls down. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink?