The year is wrapping up and the constant clarion call of pitches every few days has taken its toll on C. Pitchington. As December 30th approaches he finds his mind in tatters, and as he rocks himself back and forth in a corner of his home he wonders why he ever agreed to be a full-time participant in this madness
Though he only has one last pitch to squeeze out he finds he can’t focus enough to pick a lane- something funny? Irreverent? Insightful? He’s not capable of any of those under the best of circumstances, much less now. How to put a bow on the long marathon of 2024- a pitch for the ages?
By hiring a videographer and taking a page from one of A Pitch A Day’s stalwart inspirations: he finds a replica albino spider costume on Etsy, indistinguishable from the actual Verotika shooting suit, right down to the gently torn crotch area that presumably resulted from Scotch Hopkins’ manhood being more than the latex could contain, and hitting the road for a tete a tete with old Uncle Muffin.
Follow along as Chad contends with holiday traffic, wintry road conditions, and confused drive-thru clerks while dressed like a Power Rangers background monster. When he reaches Uncle Muffin’s abode will he bear delicious hometown treats in each of his eight arms for him, or will he have tried to apply rigging to the costume to allow him to choke him out with them? This guy and his documentarian know the answer- everyone else will have to wait for the VOD next week.
Until the next time my judgment lapses enough to let me agree to something like this- farewell!