Turkey is purportedly a great source of the relaxation chemical tryptophan. Who knows? But there is a legend of a hippie commune that felt that they could do better, by feeding their fowl Lysergic Acid Dimethylide. More commonly known as LSD. The birds themselves seemed to show no
adverse effects, turkeys are pretty stupid to begin with so again, who knows. But when cooked, the meat so succulent, so flavorful, so trippy! But of course it wasn’t enough for those darned hippies. They fed them peyote, salvia, shrooms anything to get HIGHER! Hippies never know when to stop do they? The meat became so potent that even a small sliver sent normal people to the psych ward. But those hippies man, they ate it up, until they could swear the turkeys could communicate with them telepathically, they were brothers in nature, one root from the tree of the universe, all placed here to share the land in peace and harmony. Well this certainly meant that they could no longer kill and eat the turkeys, right? Of course not, but what to eat for thanksgiving? What could we substitute for the delicious trippy hippy turkey meat? Tofurkey. That’s what they decided on. That abomination, the staple of so many vegan feasts.
And that, kids, is why you don’t do drugs.