When your mother is a shameless snake oil salesman and your father is the mopey frontman of an Oasis retread you’ve got to find a way to escape from your terrible parents. You generally have three options: 1. You can go the Claudia Conway route and try to shame your parents on social media. 2. You can seek to emancipate yourself like both Courtney Love and Francis Bean Cobain did from their horrible mothers. Or, 3. you can plan an elaborate hoax/kidnapping to draw attention to your plight. If your Apple Martin, raised on virtues of $75 vaginal scented candles and diluted English rock-anthems, which would you choose? Follow Apple on her quest to plan, stage, and execute a fake abduction just to get noticed by her oblivious parents and find out how far this Apple has fallen from the narcissistic tree.