Pitch: On a private island somewhere in the tropical paradise of the Caribbean, a new kind of reality show is underway: “Love Island: Objectivist Edition.” The premise? Ten ambitious singles, each a staunch believer in Ayn Rand’s philosophy, are brought together to compete in a twisted game of love, power, and profit. The winner walks away with $10 million and the title of “Ultimate Individual”—the person who most embodies the Randian ideal of self-interest, self-love, and ruthless competition. But this season has a dark twist. When the show’s host, the eccentric and tyrannical billionaire media mogul Maximilian “Max” Taggart, is found dead in the island villa’s hot tub—his body marinated in champagne and coated with gold flakes—the contestants quickly realize that this isn’t just about love or money anymore. It’s about survival.
Key Players:
1. Bubbles McPhee: A glamorous but slightly deranged heiress with a background in adult entertainment and a passion for interior design. Obsessed with becoming a “self-made woman,” she views the murder as her ultimate reality TV moment. She’s always camera-ready and willing to do whatever it takes to get the prize, even if it means turning her competitors into “happy accidents” for her next art installation.
2. Rex Hardcastle: A former Wall Street banker with a chiseled jaw, a deep tan, and an even deeper resentment towards regulation. Rex is an unapologetic egotist who plans to win through charm and dirty tactics, but as bodies begin to pile up, he might just have to put his muscles to more lethal use.
3. Candy Sweetwater: A faded pop star turned radical libertarian influencer who uses the show to promote her brand of Objectivist yoga, “You, Yourself, and Om.” Candy views Max’s death as a perfect metaphor for cleansing toxic energy—but she also has a closet full of scandals that would make her the ideal blackmail target.
4. Tommy “Two-Tone” Bologna: A sleazy nightclub owner from Atlantic City with a thick New Jersey accent, always clad in animal print. Tommy is all about “the hustle,” and he’s not above using sabotage, seduction, or any of his suspiciously-acquired “tools” to manipulate the game. He’s got an affinity for drama—and possibly a hand in more than just pizza dough.
5. Betty Bovine: A hyper-religious homemaker turned “reformed Randian” who has convinced herself that capitalism is the true path to salvation. Betty claims to be on the show for “self-discovery” but is secretly plotting to corner the market on virtue-signaling while leaving a trail of chaos behind her.
6. Duke von Dripps: An eccentric art-house filmmaker and drag queen with a flair for dramatics, convinced that he’s there to expose the hypocrisies of Randian philosophy through avant-garde sabotage. Duke narrates his actions like a live-action soap opera, often breaking the fourth wall to comment on his murderous plans.
7. Flex St. James: A buff, bronzed personal trainer who communicates almost exclusively in inspirational quotes and is as dumb as he is beautiful. Flex believes the murder is a game and is determined to win it for “his brand.” His talent for seduction becomes his greatest weapon—and possibly his downfall.
As the contestants scramble to pair up, form alliances, and seduce their way to victory, it becomes evident that someone is playing a different game altogether—one that involves poison-tipped roses, coconut bombs, and booby-trapped tanning beds. The camera crew, led by the sleazy but loveable director Slippy DiBona, keeps rolling as contestants start to mysteriously disappear, creating a bizarre blend of reality TV, murder mystery, and cutthroat capitalism. The plot takes a darkly comedic turn when Rex Hardcastle’s perfect hairpiece is revealed to be a sentient drone feeding live footage back to a secret cabal of producers. This revelation leads to a hilariously brutal “unmasking” scene where Bubbles McPhee accidentally sets off a chain reaction involving a flamethrower disguised as a tanning lotion bottle and Duke von Dripps’ spiked feather boa. As paranoia grows, Betty Bovine begins to preach about a “holy war of self-interest,” turning the show into a bizarre cult survival thriller. Meanwhile, Tommy “Two-Tone” starts making alliances with everyone, crossing and double-crossing until no one knows whose side he’s really on. A particularly campy plot twist comes when it’s revealed that the entire show is secretly funded by a rival Objectivist billionaire who wants to prove that pure self-interest will inevitably lead to chaos and ruin. The twist? The billionaire is Max Taggart himself—who isn’t dead at all but has been orchestrating the entire bloody mess from an underground bunker beneath the villa. The remaining contestants, now suspicious of one another, converge for a bloody showdown at the island’s centerpiece—a giant statue of Ayn Rand holding a lit Molotov cocktail. As secrets unravel, alliances crumble, and a series of brutal, over-the-top deaths ensue, the true winner of “Love Island: Objectivist Edition” will emerge.