Tomb Rater

Coming next year from Prime Video and the producers of seminal single-season reality show Are You Hot? - the next great video-game inspired show…

Bezos knows that a traditional “Tomb Raider” adaptation leaves Amazon open to criticism about perpetuating the colonizer and imperialist mindset, so no chesty British woman will be looking for precious artifacts here- instead we get Lorenzo Lamas, these days in his “resembling a telenovela villain” phase, traveling around the world to exotic locations and exploring ancient crypts and sepulchers with nothing but his trusty laser pointer to draw the viewers’ attention to the stunning construction and opulent features without so much as knocking dust off a stone slab.

Lorenzo is no trained archaeologist, but the man knows what looks good, so when he assigns a numeric score to each tomb he visits it’s essentially the same as an expert opinion. Will the Taj Mahal score a fresh 8 or above? Are the pyramids of Giza still as impressive these days? Can we cut through the religious bias surrounding the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem and let Lorenzo rate it objectively? Find out in 2025!