Steven Segal: Lover. Japanophille. Noted confabulator. Screenwriter? According to Tom Arnold, the best script Segal ever read was written by…Steven himself! While that script hasn’t been unleashed on an unwilling public; much like the accusations against Segal, we’re going to force this one in you anyway. And by the time you’re done reading, we think you’ll agree that if Cats Amore* isn’t the best script ever, it might be the second…
Destitute kittens are being used to mule black tar heroin. Having spent years in Japan studying martial arts, Steven returns to the seedy streets of mid-80s NYC.to settle down and open up a small Aikido studio. When a half-dead cat is left at his studio as a warning, he is forced to wrestle with his complex feelings of innocent cats being exploited against years of living under Sanyo’s oppressive paw. Will the love between a man and a cat win? Can it? How many stunt man bones will Segal “accidentally” break? Can we get this one co-financed by Animal Planet? All that and so much more! It’ll only cost you the price of admission.
*We were going to go with Cats a Spicy Meatball, but after Trump’s Springfield nonsense, we didn’t think it wise to give anyone any fresh ideas