Thanks to Leah Remini’s successful campaign against Scientology, Lord Xenu has lost much of his power. Those he has blessed find themselves to finally be aging for the first time in decades. In order to stave off being assigned to elderly grandfather acting roles, Tom Cruise is tasked with the holy mission of hunting down the non-aging non-Scientologist celebrities and taking their power as his own. Now painting a bloody path across Hollywood, Cruise sets his sights and contractually-obligated running shoes on the ultimate of targets: Paul Rudd.