The Department of Justice has launched its first salvo against the tech giants with its anti-trust lawsuit against Google. And as century-old regulations are about to be tested in the courtroom Google’s board of directors is lawyering up but also hedging their bets in case of a ruling against them. They need everyday Americans’ delicious and lucrative data one way or the other, and if they can’t get it from browser searches they will just have to get creative. Enter disgraced scientist Hermung Brane, a researcher whose questionable ethics and methods in clinical trials led to his release from Google and which ironically might now be their only recourse. The only problem? Dr. Brane’s data extraction method involves doing so organically by removing the subjects’ brains from their skulls for testing. And he hasn’t yet been able to replace the brains successfully without some peculiar side effects ranging from deleted memories and cognitive impairment to behavioral issues like aggression and disinhibition. When the streets around Silicon Valley begin to fill with agitated citizens beating on each other and masturbating in the streets the media simply chalks it up to “2020 gonna 2020”. Will the dark truth ever be revealed? Find out this fall when phase III trials begin in a town near you!